blah blah blah
Jun. 21st, 2013 01:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tympsI've been encountered with way too many thought-provoking things today and I've hardly been able to stop thinking.
I went out and saw the movie Before Midnight today. It was very good. I love those movies, but they always leave me feeling this profound sense of sadness and emptiness (in addition to other more positive feelings, of course).
I was paging through old yearbooks earlier and they were making me feel depressed. I was looking at my yearbook from the first grade and realized that the people in there who were sixth graders then are now like 27 years old. I wonder if they're happy with their lives. I wonder if their lives have turned out the way that they'd hoped. I wonder if any of them page through their old yearbooks and wonder the same about me. Next I found a picture of this guy I knew who killed himself just a couple of months ago. We weren't close at all and I won't pretend like we were, but his suicide affected me a lot for some reason, and seeing a picture of him when he was like seven years old and smiling like any other little kid really bothered me. Then I found a picture of the guy who sexually assaulted me last year. He was in kindergarten in that yearbook. I don't know. I just feel weird.
What I should probably do is just become more productive again so I have less time to sit around and navel-gaze. It's often a self-indulgent waste of time. Contemplating life and the universe and existence and the past hasn't really gotten me anywhere good. I always just feel bad and sad and low.
I just feel so frustrated with myself. My life is a waste. Sometimes I feel like it's already over.
I went out and saw the movie Before Midnight today. It was very good. I love those movies, but they always leave me feeling this profound sense of sadness and emptiness (in addition to other more positive feelings, of course).
I was paging through old yearbooks earlier and they were making me feel depressed. I was looking at my yearbook from the first grade and realized that the people in there who were sixth graders then are now like 27 years old. I wonder if they're happy with their lives. I wonder if their lives have turned out the way that they'd hoped. I wonder if any of them page through their old yearbooks and wonder the same about me. Next I found a picture of this guy I knew who killed himself just a couple of months ago. We weren't close at all and I won't pretend like we were, but his suicide affected me a lot for some reason, and seeing a picture of him when he was like seven years old and smiling like any other little kid really bothered me. Then I found a picture of the guy who sexually assaulted me last year. He was in kindergarten in that yearbook. I don't know. I just feel weird.
What I should probably do is just become more productive again so I have less time to sit around and navel-gaze. It's often a self-indulgent waste of time. Contemplating life and the universe and existence and the past hasn't really gotten me anywhere good. I always just feel bad and sad and low.
I just feel so frustrated with myself. My life is a waste. Sometimes I feel like it's already over.
Very late, but...
Date: 2013-07-26 05:33 am (UTC)Anyway, I understand that you're feeling worthless, miserable, and so on, and I understand that just hearing someone over the internet say stuff to you probably won't make you feel much better. I just want to say that I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through all of this, that you don't deserve a second of it, and that I hope you keep hanging in there.
Re: Very late, but...
Date: 2013-07-28 08:25 am (UTC)Thank you - I really appreciate the comment and the kindness! It's still really nice to hear. You're a great friend! :)